When Mind Resonates

My eyes filled, Tears started rolling down, I was reading, and somehow reflecting upon myself. I saw me, the me afraid of the world, The 'not enough' me, Who struggle to understand own voice, The innocent child within manifesting, And proclaiming my ignorance- Still was ready to put the bare me, The fearful me without hesitation… I searched for the rosary, A silent mumbling for the awakening of self, The number of times, I lost- And regained my faith; Each time with a new understanding… The endless debates though is still on, I astonish myself. It's the faith that drives life, Faith in the unseen, The wisdom that flows- Which can never be taught or learnt- But simply manifested… I do ask for reassurance, Even the lord asked for it! 'Who do you think I am?' He too wasn't sure... You need to walk it,  Pampering that child within- Who knows everything about the universe, Connected to the secrets of the world, Innocence is where the wisdom resides?

And when you find your demons Dancing in front of you, The seemingly silent moments- That had pricked the deep soul, Resurfaces to bleed you again! I'm alive and I do bleed, I'm grateful for all the moments I have walked through- I wish not to acknowledge the demons, I shut my eyes tight, Still the bitterness surfaces… The reassurances do mean a lot, Yes, this life is hard- But definitely not impossible… And I do love being me, With all the shortcomings and insecurities… With all the wounds and scars. Demons will always knock, I might fall, sometimes into a deep trench, Still I would get up, Climb out and walk ahead And embrace the magic of this life... Picture courtesy: https://pin.it/7AEiysL

This being lost Is like finding that something I was searching for… I am finding it in silence, I am finding it in darkness! The quest fulfilled, When I forgot of the quest, When I started a walk into me, Not in search, but just a walk. I enjoyed the silence, The darkness, the solitude… Where undefined me was alright, The unclassified blend of me, Making patterns in the silent darkness, Like the morroccan lamps, with colours… I wasn't me either, Though it was me! The me without identifiable features, It's like being a transparent-opaque being, With no defined boundaries- Like a blurred shadow… Still being me. This me, unaware,  Without definitions, raw, subtle, silent, Pleasant, rude, vulnerable, melancholic, Gleeful, smiling to oneself, Yes, the same stupid chuckle- I found again! The me, I thought was lost-  Was within me… But I don't know  What I see, Still don't know, what I watch, I wish, I was walked, Or was shown- What's hidden beyond it, Or obvio...

Every now and then I feel this emptiness, The deep hollowness within. I feel I am getting old but not wise, I have tons of unread books, Miles of unseen places, Eras of unseen moments, The unheard soothing rhythms, The unsaids and unmets… I feel that emptiness. I know I can't be everywhere  And be into everything. Knowingly I want to be all that, Which ushers in emptiness… I go silent inside my cave. I know, no one will come for me, How will any ever, Without knowing of the existence of this cave! I wish I could proudly say that  I don't expect any to… But even after self denials I know I do wish that I am greeted with a smile, A gentle pat and solemness, And may be a joke of how I contrive- These stupid thoughts which build emptiness Rather filling up the existing voids. I wish… I recite the reminder of letting go. Picture courtesy: https://pin.it/2uMHewf

When you 'know' in the unknowns, When you are 'certain' in the uncertainties, When you are aware of inevitable pains And the hardships you will walk, However hard you try not to acknowledge it. I'm grateful that I drank from the river Lethe, The river of forgetfulness and oblivion… I could embrace the ones Who broke the promises, Who abandoned, who left me insecure, Who let me fall prey to inadequacies… Who let me be crushed into nothingness. I'm grateful that I drank it, That I could see mystery, I could be amazed and bewildered- Encountering my clairvoyance! Standing 'tall' in front with an innocent smile… I'm forced to fulfill my path, It's more perplexing than ever. This sojourn is to be lived with trust. I trust, but I lack assurance. I'm still not sure of myself And the choice of me in this journey. 'For whosoever save his life Shall lose it'! I'm abandoning myself,  The 'intelligence', 'pride', ...

Two hours of watching the rain, Still unwell on bed, Deciding to stop writing for a very long time… I slipped into half sleep with my tired soul, In the depth of unconsciousness I heard the rain, I was living that rainy night of past- In the cosiness of my friend's home Where six of us lay in a row in one room,  While the rest in others… When I wrote in the darkness- 'Rain, still I can't stop loving you' Though I could feel the water rising up Inside my home inching up the stairs... I opened my eyes, continued watching the rain. Memories flood, a lot to write… I'm changing my mind, Going to write again, bit by bit. May be this broken moments suits the best, With another August rain giving company... Picture courtesy:  https://pin.it/4UyFLOs

My weakness fuels me, If I'm walking - That's because I fall a lot, And I feel the 'need' to walk. I value it... The brisk, the swift, And then the random jumps and runs! There are times, when I go silent, Clutching my pillow, lay on my cot, Trying to calm myself, But I reach that threshold- Where everything breaks- Even your will and hopes… I start to hate myself for being 'good for nothing' stupid fellow, Who is of no use to any! And would talk to that old friend- And realise you are worth! And you gather up again- Be stupid and enjoy this broken time, When your body decline your will- You start enjoying subtle things… The circus of squirrels on the coconut tree, Watching the pace and pattern of rain, The tied canoes floating in the waves, The rhythm of the bell at temple To please the diety to be benevolent. All savoured through the open windows… Still clinging on to the pillows, With the heavy breaths... As it is now! The broken moments made ...

I'm stalking a soofi… A soofi who has the air of mystery,  And it feels like he see the souls Than the carriage. He has prematurely greyed hairs, Smile is of an innocent child,  His words stir your soul- Unpleasant realities served on a platter. The soofi who can feel at home, Lying on the floor laden mattresses- Where they sell body for a living… Does it resonate with someone who said, I came for them? The inconspicuous mundane moments, Captured for the world, As if that's his duty- To show how important those mundane moments are- He makes you think. Think of your triviality, He winks, smiles and walks away- To capture another life- Not expecting anything from life. He falls in one among the very few I admire… Soofi, I'm stalking you- When it's dawn and you hear- The Fajr, through the Zuhr, Asr, Maghrib and till your lantern  Is put off after the Isha... Picture courtesy:  https://pin.it/2ixbRiD

Sitting beside the lantern, Watching the rain pouring- Having a mental dance to the rhythm- The most unique rhythm of universe! I wish that you fill me, Fill me as you always do… When my tears roll- When I confront myself with you, When I smile in the midst of sobs, When you pat my shoulders- Reminding how stupid I am. Your generous smiles proclaiming your love, That's beyond what the world can offer, And our voices blend in laughter, Still I find concern in your eyes, Awake in the middle of night- You usher me to sleep… You are the lantern and the light, You are the joy and the tear! As you once told me,  While I touched the brim of your robe, Unable to look at you, That you are with me and with everyone else too. True, I felt envious for the rest- Just to realise how stupid of me, You are with me as well! Knowing my thoughts you smile again-  I know I'm yet to grow- To share you wholeheartedly… You are the key, you are the door, You are the song, you are the voic...

The glimpse of a morning walk… And I try to be in the shoes of the walker! I'm the walker now on, Looking around, sniffing in- The wet air, and the sweet breeze, Who is telling stories shared by the ripples Formed from the early drizzles… The sky, still threatening of a pour, And the nonchalant man performing shirshasana! I stay away from the chattering crowd, Who talk more than walk, And I try to enjoy the walk in itself, To the rhythm of music banging in my head- As if the guitar is played within, The instruments arranged in an order inside my skull, As if on a stage! But this walk brings glee, Some inexplicable joy of being me, Somewhere this makes me complete, If not complete, filling some voids- That can't be pointed out. This dawn, this wetty breeze, The sky, the waters, and the music… A good way to start the day. Hey, the lazy bones, still asleep within your cosy rooms- Tucked under the duvets- It's not that I don't like that sleep- Just that this giv...

My brother called me, Said there was a bad news... I haven't heard his voice this broken ever. His best- friend, more than a brother  Probably much more than that - Passed away... I was dumbfounded, no words- Though I had never met this man in person- I had known how deeply connected he was. The shock doubled when I learnt- He had taken own life! He explained, how he was a man of principles, How wonderful a human being he was! He couldn't pin point why! Deceased parents, no siblings- When a domestic discontent brewed- Probably he must have asked the question- For whom? For whom to live this life for... I heard my brother lament- And I told, how I had even thought- Of ending this life, one day, then... I never had thought, that I would ever Have shared this to him. I remember that night, Looking down from that roof top, Thinking how should I execute... Then it dawned to me- Who will be in loss? No one, but for my parents... I have been nurtured- Haven't given the...

Key, something that we use- Knowingly and unknowingly With forms and without! I wonder of the first man who had thought of it. Something that needed to be hidden, Or something that needed to be protected?! Who will have the keys to your heart, Where all your insecurities are locked in? I wonder and realise that I don't have the key for own heart! I'm residing within it, locked up! The key roles, the key findings The key notes, the key pathways… Is it something that helps you to get in swiftly, Helping you to access or explore, With ease and some unknown co-operativity offered? The locked hearts in search of keys! How stupid a thought. May be should carve one oneself, And open the heart to the unending  Splendours of universe, Where it's fine to be insecure, And as you explore, you forget- That you were that. The reality stays that every being, Probably those yet to reach the enlightenment, Is searching for the key, The key for one's own heart. To find it whi...

It's easier to live confined, Confining oneself within 'boundaries'- Where the 'you' have withered And has got transformed  To someone unknown to you! And you forget even That another you ever existed. It's easier to be inside the walls, It's easier to live in false impressions, It's easier to be in denial of facts, The facts, that's never considered for assessment, The facts, deliberately avoided for 'peace'! It's easier to rot in the nasty ruins, Than come out and shout- That you were in ruins, Or even acknowledge it. And you need more than courage- To stand up for yourself, And step out… It's not free air outside, Instead the heaviness of denied 'facts' Fall like a humongous old tree, with a loud thud. You go deaf, blind and insane! Maybe you realise you were those. Loneliness start to nibble you- But reality stays that you were Lonelier ever before, in an even more pathetic way!   But then you finally could see...

You are not in a race Walk your way in your pace, Can't always make those faces smile, And that's perfectly fine. Walk your way in your own way. When you walk ahead, Don't forget to hook on  To those fingers- That sometimes patted And at times beckoned- When you wished for that perfect company. Mood swings are fine But do get back there, Where you can smile again, And say that stupid joke. Don't leave behind those who make you feel good. It's imperative to keep them in, As you never can reclaim The lost and unlived moments. And never assume- Better ask. Walk your way- The way you want, Let it rain, let it snow, When it's sunny or it storms. It's your journey, walk it well- On your terms, with no fear. Picture courtesy: https://pin.it/250u3ik

Grief sometimes connects people back! When you walk along your ways, Isolating yourself from all, Finally being alone in crowd, You learn to live within you. It's not vanity, but fear- Fear of crumbling down- Fear of exposing the most vulnerable you! Then you walk ahead- You peep out of yourself. You touch people and try to heal, Though your bruises are still sore! And you leave your wounds behind, And walk ahead into healing light, Though it occasionally stings. And the thread of withered relation, At the verge of break, Get revived upon the moment of grief shared. You realise, how important you are, That you were trusted for solace. The thread begin to transform to rope! Realizations dissolve distances, You feel like finding the lost precious handmade toy,  That you denied to put down even while asleep. Grief connects us in ethereal ways. Beyond grief is solace And beyond that is love! It's fine to be vulnerable, It's fine to be open to comfort, Open the doors...

Withdrawing back into me Crawled inside my shell, I'm silent and in deep thoughts, Thoughts, that's blank! Somewhere the thread of memories Missing in the wilderness… I let go, and try to swim down To touch the bottom of blankness. Silence and blankness, Somehow feels good- The true meaning of solitude brims And I smile calmly… The rain is still dancing outside, The rhythm so quick, And the solitude opens up The memories cherished. The sneak out to the yard, Doing somersaults, Dancing on the parapet As a show, when was just five! Definitely was caught one day To be proclaimed as 'the mischievous' Followed being granted the 'perks'! Though more was the worry on my stupidity. The falls from tree branches, The swings which go twisted, And circuses that end up In unsaid bruises and sprains… My solitude filled with Colours and warmth- The moments when I was me, Loving and celebrating own company! Somewhere I am still that me, Loving life on my terms, Thou...